When it comes to dating and romantic relationships, there’s an age-old pattern that spans across many species: males typically initiate mating, while females hold the reins on whether to accept or reject those advances. This is something we see not only in animals but also in humans, though the way we navigate these interactions is a bit more nuanced.
In the animal kingdom, the male’s role is straightforward. He initiates the courtship ritual, and the female decides whether to reciprocate. For humans, it’s not quite that simple. While men are traditionally expected to make the first move—whether that’s by saying hello, striking up a conversation, or asking someone out—there’s often an underlying dynamic that many men don’t fully understand: women frequently initiate things by giving subtle cues to signal their interest, essentially determining if and when a man should make his move.
For many men, this dynamic can be a bit tricky to navigate. Those who don’t pick up on these signals risk being labeled as socially awkward, or worse, the “creepy guy” who makes unwanted advances. On the other hand, even men who have a solid grasp of this interaction might struggle to notice these often-subtle cues. As a result, they may miss out on opportunities, failing to make a move when a woman is actually open to it. Many men can relate to the experience of hearing, “I gave you so many signals! How did you not know I liked you?” after it’s too late and the chance has passed.
Understanding this dynamic can feel like trying to solve a puzzle, but it doesn’t have to be so hard. In fact, researchers have studied the body language and behaviors that indicate romantic interest, and while they aren’t foolproof, these signs can provide helpful guidance.
So, if you’ve ever found yourself wondering whether someone is attracted to you or open to your advances, don’t worry—you’re not alone. In this guide, we’ll break down the key signs of interest, as well as those that suggest disinterest, to help you better navigate these interactions.
The Art of Reading Attraction: How to Know if a Woman is Into You
You’ve likely stumbled upon countless articles that claim to offer insight into the body language of attraction. While some of these lists might seem like common sense or even a bit silly, there is real research backing up the idea that specific behaviors signal romantic interest.
Psychologist Monica Moore spent several months observing over 200 single women at various social venues—places like parties, bars, clubs, and restaurants—to figure out what behaviors women exhibit when they’re attracted to a man. From her observations, she identified over 52 specific things women do to signal attraction. Now, before you get too excited, it’s important to note that these signals aren’t necessarily done in a particular order, and not every woman will do all of them. Each individual has her own “flirty moves” that she tends to rely on.
However, the more of these behaviors you observe, the higher the chance that the woman is interested in you. Among the 52 signals, Moore identified the following 12 as being the most common:
- Smiling at you
- Shooting short glances in your direction
- Quickly looking away when you catch her gaze
- Prolonged eye contact
- Running her fingers through her hair
- Licking her lips
- Exposing her neck (either by tilting her head or adjusting her hair)
- Tilting her head toward you while you speak
- Turning her body towards you when seated
- Lightly touching your arm or shoulder during conversation
- Laughing at your jokes, even the not-so-funny ones
- Caressing or fiddling with an object (like a glass or her phone)
Of these, the most common signals include smiling, making direct eye contact, and repeatedly glancing toward you. While seeing just one or two of these signs could suggest she’s interested, it’s important to look for patterns and multiple signals rather than relying on just one.
The Importance of Context in Interpreting These Signals
Now, here’s where things can get tricky: not every smile or glance is an invitation to make a move. It’s all about context. A socially awkward guy might memorize these signals and assume that anytime a woman smiles or touches her hair, she’s interested in him. This is where things can go wrong.
It’s crucial to interpret these signals within the context of the situation. In many cases, a woman might smile at you simply because she’s being polite or providing good customer service, not because she’s romantically interested. For example, if you’re at the bank and the teller smiles and makes eye contact with you, it’s safe to assume she’s just doing her job. The baseline behavior for a customer service role typically involves friendliness, so that’s not necessarily a sign of attraction.
However, if you notice that the bank teller seems to be going out of her way to engage with you—perhaps she’s touching her hair or making prolonged eye contact—that might be an anomaly that suggests she’s interested. The key is to establish what’s normal for a particular context and then look for behaviors that deviate from that norm.
Similarly, if you’re at work and a female colleague touches your arm during a conversation, it doesn’t automatically mean she’s into you. She could just be friendly or naturally touchy-feely. But if she doesn’t behave that way with other coworkers and seems to reserve that behavior for you, that’s an anomaly worth paying attention to.
One-Time Signals Aren’t a Green Light Forever
Another important thing to keep in mind is that a signal doesn’t give you a green light for the rest of the evening (or the rest of your life, for that matter). Just because a woman gives you one sign of interest doesn’t mean she’s open to every move you might make. All it means is that she’s potentially open to engaging with you—whether that’s through conversation, dancing, or a low-stakes date.
Think of it as a trail of breadcrumbs. The first signal is just that—a first step. From there, it’s about continuing to gauge her interest and following up with subtle, respectful actions. Maybe you start by asking for her phone number or inviting her to grab a coffee. If she says yes, that’s a sign to continue. If she’s still giving positive signals on your date, like laughing at your jokes or leaning in closer, that’s a good indication that things are moving in the right direction.
At this point, you might start to notice more physical signals, like her sitting closer to you, finding excuses to touch you, or making direct eye contact for longer periods. These are all signs that she’s becoming more comfortable with you and potentially open to more intimacy. However, it’s important to remain patient and not rush things. Attraction and intimacy build over time, and jumping the gun could send the wrong message.
Recognizing When She’s Not Interested
Just as important as knowing the signs of interest is being able to recognize when someone isn’t into you. Misreading these signals can lead to awkward situations, and no one wants to be that person who can’t take a hint.
According to Moore’s research, there are specific behaviors women exhibit when they’re not interested in a man. If you approach someone and she won’t make eye contact, or if she turns away, rolls her eyes, or starts engaging with someone else, it’s a clear sign she’s not interested.
In these moments, it’s crucial to understand that she’s likely not playing hard to get—she’s just not into you. Ignoring these signs and trying to push forward with flirty remarks or compliments won’t change her mind. In fact, it will likely have the opposite effect and make you come off as overly pushy or even desperate.
Remember, it’s okay to face rejection. It happens to everyone. The important thing is to handle it with grace and move on without making the situation uncomfortable.
When You’re Not Sure: The “Jason Momoa Rule”
Now, let’s say you’re in a situation where the signals aren’t so clear. Maybe you’re interested in someone—a classmate or coworker—and you’re unsure if she feels the same way. She might flirt with you a little, but you’re still on the fence about whether she’d be open to a date.
In cases like these, you can fall back on the “Jason Momoa Rule.” The concept is simple: imagine that instead of you, Jason Momoa had asked her out. Would she still give the same excuse for why she can’t go on a date? If Jason Momoa asked her for coffee, would she really say she has to study or that she’s going out with friends that night? Most likely, she’d cancel her other plans in a heartbeat for a chance to go out with him.
Now, obviously, you’re not Jason Momoa But the idea behind this rule is that if a woman is genuinely interested in you, she’ll find a way to make time for you. If she turns down your invitation but doesn’t offer an alternative date, that’s a strong indicator she’s not interested. On the other hand, if she says she’s busy but suggests another time to meet, that’s a good sign she’s interested and just genuinely can’t make it work at that moment.
Of course, it’s always possible that someone has a legitimate reason for turning you down. Maybe she really does have to work, or perhaps there’s a family event she can’t miss. But if she’s interested, she’ll suggest another time or offer a way to stay connected, like exchanging phone numbers or social media handles.
Final Thoughts
Figuring out whether someone is attracted to you can be a challenging and often frustrating process. The key is to stay attuned to the social cues women give off while remembering that context matters. Smiling, glancing, or even touching are all potential signs of interest, but they need to be interpreted within the larger framework of the interaction.
Additionally, don’t put too much pressure on any one signal. Attraction often unfolds gradually, with small steps leading to larger moments of connection. As long as you remain respectful, patient, and aware of the signals being sent your way, you’ll be able to navigate the dating scene with confidence.
And finally, don’t fear rejection. Not every woman will be interested in you, and that’s okay. The important thing is to learn from each interaction, refine your approach, and keep moving forward. In the end, it’s all part of the journey, and every experience, whether good or bad, helps you get closer to finding the right connection